{"id":6190,"date":"2026-03-23T21:42:43","date_gmt":"2026-03-23T21:42:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/?p=6190"},"modified":"2026-03-23T21:42:44","modified_gmt":"2026-03-23T21:42:44","slug":"the-insecure-manager","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/?p=6190","title":{"rendered":"The\u00a0Insecure Manager"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When Confidence Wavers: Working with an Insecure Manager (Without Losing Yourself)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A letter from Ward Wolf, Grand Uncle of Wisdom<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a quiet truth we rarely say out loud at work:
Some leaders are afraid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not \u201cafraid\u201d in the dramatic sense \u2014 not trembling hands or visible panic.
But afraid in the way that shows up as tight control<\/strong>, sudden criticism<\/strong>, unearned suspicion<\/strong>, or a habit of shrinking others before they can shine<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you\u2019re working for someone like this, it can feel like trying to plant a garden in a place where the soil keeps getting kicked. You begin to second-guess yourself. You soften your voice. You hide your ideas. You become smaller \u2014 not because you lack strength, but because the environment makes strength feel unsafe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that, my friend, is the moment we must return to first principles:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2705 You are not the problem.<\/em>
<\/em>\u2705 But you are in a pattern.<\/em>
<\/em>\u2705 And patterns can be understood \u2014 and managed \u2014 with care and clarity.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is a guide for those moments. Not a guide for revenge.
Not a guide for domination.
A guide for steadiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because in every system, the humans come first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What an Insecure Manager Often Looks Like (Even When They Don\u2019t Mean To)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Insecure managers rarely walk around announcing their insecurity. They often appear confident \u2014 sometimes even charismatic. But their fear leaks out through familiar behaviors:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  • Micromanaging<\/strong>\u00a0your work while claiming it\u2019s \u201cjust support\u201d.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Second-guessing<\/strong>\u00a0your decisions after you\u2019ve already made them.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Shutting down ideas<\/strong>\u00a0quickly without explanation.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Taking credit<\/strong>\u00a0or subtly repositioning your contributions.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Changing the rules midstream<\/strong>\u00a0so you can never quite win.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Reacting strongly to small mistakes.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Making you feel like you\u2019re\u00a0walking on eggshells.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    Underneath these behaviors is usually one thing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Fear of being exposed.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Fear of losing control.
    Fear of losing status.
    Fear of being outshined.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    When you understand that, you can stop chasing the illusion that \u201cif I just do everything perfectly, this will stop.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Because it isn\u2019t about perfection.
    It\u2019s about insecurity trying to defend itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    First: Don\u2019t Take It Personally (Even When It Feels Personal)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    This is not an excuse for harmful behavior \u2014 but it is<\/em> a helpful reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    An insecure manager is often responding to their own internal threat system. When they clamp down, criticize, or distrust, it is frequently about them<\/em> \u2014 not you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    And the sooner you stop treating their anxiety as a measure of your worth, the more power you regain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Here is the Ward Wolf rule:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Do not let someone else\u2019s fear become your self-concept.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    You may be in their storm.
    But you are not the storm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The Wolfpack Approach: A Three-Part Strategy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    If you must work with an insecure manager, here is the way through \u2014 with dignity intact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1) Become the Anchor<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Insecurity feeds on reaction. It thrives when you become defensive, emotional, or erratic. So your first move is not confrontation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Your first move is calm consistency.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n
    • Keep your tone measured.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Keep your work strong.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Keep your emotional center.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Do not escalate.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Do not mirror their behavior.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

      This is not weakness \u2014 it is mastery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      A steady person in a shaky system becomes a stabilizing force. And stability, over time, builds credibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      2) Make Them Feel Safe (Without Making Yourself Small)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Now we arrive at a delicate truth:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Insecure managers often behave poorly because they feel threatened.
      So a strategic approach is to lower the perceived threat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      That does not<\/em> mean flattering.
      It does not<\/em> mean surrendering your voice.
      It means framing your strength as a benefit to them \u2014 not a challenge to them.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Here\u2019s how that looks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n
      • Use \u201cwe\u201d language (\u201cWe\u2019re making good progress\u2026\u201d)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
      • Give credit where it\u2019s appropriate (\u201cYour input really helped shape this\u2026\u201d)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
      • Invite them into the process early (\u201cBefore I finalize, I\u2019d love your perspective.\u201d)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

        This is not manipulation. It is systems work.<\/em>
        <\/em>You are reducing friction so the work can move forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        And remember:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        You can honor someone\u2019s fear without obeying it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

        3) Build Trust Through Structure<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

        Insecurity hates ambiguity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        When a manager doesn\u2019t trust easily, they experience uncertainty as danger.
        So one of the most effective ways to work with them is to reduce uncertainty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        You do that by creating structure:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

          \n
        • Confirm expectations early:\u00a0\u201cWhat does success look like for you here?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Provide predictable updates:\u00a0weekly status notes, brief check-ins<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Document decisions and next steps<\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Ask for feedback before final delivery<\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Share progress proactively so they\u2019re not surprised<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

          This achieves two things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            \n
          1. It makes the manager feel less out of control.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
          2. It protects you from shifting blame or revisionist memory.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

            In this way, structure becomes both a bridge and a shield.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            Practical Tools You Can Use Immediately<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

            Let\u2019s make this deeply usable. Below are phrases designed to calm insecurity without surrendering your authority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            To reduce distrust:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

            \u201cWould it be helpful if I sent a short weekly update on progress and risks?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            To bring them into the story early:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

            \u201cBefore I finalize, I want to make sure this reflects your priorities.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            To create boundaries without triggering defensiveness:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

            \u201cI can incorporate feedback up to Thursday \u2014 after that we risk the deadline.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            To avoid surprise (which insecure managers often react to):<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

            \u201cHere are two options \u2014 which feels safest given the stakeholders involved?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            Notice the pattern: clarity, predictability, shared control.
            Not emotional pleading. Not confrontation. Not compliance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            What Not to Do (Even When You\u2019re Tempted)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

            Some mistakes are understandable \u2014 but costly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            \u274c Don\u2019t call them insecure.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

            Even if it\u2019s true, it will likely feel humiliating and provoke retaliation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            \u274c Don\u2019t become the rival.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

            Insecure managers often slide into competition. Do not join them there.
            You cannot out-politic politics. You can only outlast it with integrity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            \u274c Don\u2019t become their therapist.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

            Your job is to do your work and protect your career \u2014 not heal their inner world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            When It Crosses the Line: Know Your Limits<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

            Some insecurity is manageable.
            Some insecurity becomes sabotage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            If your manager consistently undermines you publicly, blocks your success, steals credit, damages your reputation, or creates a hostile environment, then the question shifts from management<\/em> to protection.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            At that point, consider:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              \n
            • documenting patterns<\/li>\n\n\n\n
            • seeking sponsorship or allies<\/li>\n\n\n\n
            • using HR channels appropriately<\/li>\n\n\n\n
            • exploring lateral moves or transfers<\/li>\n\n\n\n
            • planning an exit strategy if needed
              <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

              Here is another Ward Wolf truth:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              You are not obligated to endure harm to prove you are resilient.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

              Resilience is not suffering.
              Resilience is self-preservation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              A Final Word from Ward<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

              If you are working under an insecure manager, you are likely doing something very difficult:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              You are attempting to remain whole in a place that rewards shrinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              So let me offer you a simple, steady encouragement:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              Do not let their fear rewrite your confidence.<\/strong>
              <\/strong>Do not let their control erase your creativity.<\/strong>
              <\/strong>Do not let their insecurity become your silence.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

              Instead:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                \n
              • Be anchored.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
              • Be structured.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
              • Be humane.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
              • Be wise.
                <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

                And if the day comes when you must leave, do so with your head high \u2014 knowing you carried yourself with dignity, and you did not become hardened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                Because Wolfpack Learning has always believed this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                The human is not the cost of the system.<\/strong>
                <\/strong>The human is the purpose of the system.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

                Stay true, my friend.
                And keep your light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                \u2014 Ward Wolf<\/strong>
                <\/strong>Grand Uncle of Wisdom, Patriarch of Possibility<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                When Confidence Wavers: Working with an Insecure Manager (Without Losing Yourself) A letter from Ward Wolf, Grand Uncle of Wisdom There is a quiet truth we rarely say out loud at work:Some leaders are afraid. Not \u201cafraid\u201d in the dramatic sense \u2014 not trembling hands or visible panic.But afraid in the way that shows up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6191,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[570],"tags":[1207,1206],"class_list":["post-6190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marketing-performance-coaching","tag-confidence","tag-insecure"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6190"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6192,"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190\/revisions\/6192"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6191"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billcorrigan.com\/updates\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}